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September 20, 2004
20 Reasons to Vote FOR John Kerry
20. Israel's security fence really is
both a "legitimate act of self defense" and a "barrier to peace," and
at the same time.
19. In fact, no matter what you believe about any issue,
Kerry's on your side
50% of the time. Unfortunately, if there are three sides to an issue, he's only
with you 33%.
18. Anyone who had the foresight to bring
his own Super 8 movie camera to Vietnam
to shoot campaign commercials for when he got back home is okay by you.
17. Kerry should be President because, as he said, he was
born in the "west wing" of a hospital.
This has nothing to do with all the other people ever born in the west
wings of all the hospitals in the world, however.
16. You believe that Saddam was a threat with nuclear weapons. After all,
John Kerry himself said,
"If you don't believe ... Saddam Hussein is a threat with nuclear weapons, then
you shouldn't vote for me." Of course, that would make the liberation of Iraq
the right thing to do then, wouldn't it? Maybe you'd better skip this one.
15. He and John Edwards have "better
hair." Aren't you glad
Don King
isn't running?
14. The company you work for doesn't pay enough taxes. If they did, they
wouldn't have money in the budget to waste on you.
13.
Europe wants him
to be our President, which automatically means that you should, too... if you
want to be popular when you visit your
family in France,
that is.
12. Kerry was in Vietnam for a few months 35 years ago, and he still remembers
how to
curse like a sailor!
11.
Kim Jong Il prefers him,
Iranian mullahs and other
unnamed foreign leaders would certainly prefer
him, and the
CPUSA (US Communist Party) prefers him.
You don't want them mad at you, do you?
10. He owns American-made SUVs... no, no, wait,
his FAMILY does.
Sorry.
9. He was in Vietnam for a few months 35 years ago -- did you know that? He was
in Cambodia, too. The memory of his
secret mission on Christmas Day 1968
was seared -- seared -- in him. Or maybe it was
some other time, or some other place,
or some other guy. But
he has a hat to prove it...
whatever it is.
8. John Kerry said that he believes we "need to build multilateral support for
whatever course of action we ultimately would take."
America should never act on its own,
like other countries do.
7. He was the only Vietnam veteran to be honored by
both America and the North Vietnamese
for his activities during the Vietnam War.
6. The best way to deal with terrorism is to
wait until they hit us again.
"Any attack will be met with a swift and certain response," Kerry said when he
accepted the Democrat nomination.
5. After years of marrying rich women, shouldn't he finally have his
own house?
4. Although he would raise your taxes, his speech explaining why would cure your
insomnia.
3. You've probably already forgotten that he was in Vietnam for a few months 35
years ago.
2. As well as revealing at various times that he's
Irish (but really Czech), Catholic
(but really
Jewish),
and Liberal (but really
Conservative),
he will also be the
second "black" President.
1. Ketchup packets with the presidential seal! How cool is that?
Posted by Ryan at September 20, 2004 08:45 PM